I've been feeling very tired lately. I think that's understandable when people are shooting up my people because of blatantly false information(that they almost certainly know on some level is false).

My position on firearm ownership has become far more inclined to say that I should have one. So now I do, and I carry it. I actually own two different guns. They're both pistols, 9mm, and loaded currently with federal duty critical defense.

I really don't want to use it.

But like, I don't honestly think that there is a future in this country for people like me without people like me fighting for ourselves. And we're going to have to do that.

We are in a scary time, and a dipshit has just bought a huge media empire to run campaigns against his enemies(This doesn't look like it'll work out long term, but like, it's currently 11/23/2022, you can make fun of me when it's 08/1/2023 and twitter is back to its good old self), and did you know that among those enemies is a trans daughter who fucking hates the dude? Would you go after your estranged daughter with mobs of hate? I dunno dude, maybe he's not such a great guy.

Enough about such displeasing ephemera.

Every time that something like this happens I see a quick response from the community affected(when it isn't a school), that they should carry guns so that such idiotic spectacle is considerably more risky, followed by a bunch of 'liberals'(probably just conservatives that don't like guns) whining about the group protecting themselves, as if society is an actual fucking fabric that you can touch and are affected by rather than a nebulous (non-physical) web of consequence and action which you can choose to step outside of. This is about shifting the consequences in a certain direction, to make it less appealing to those who might want to.

I'm really just afraid, but it's been a long fucking time since I wasn't. I just wish that the reasons that I am afraid changed once in a while. It's exhausting to deal with.

And they want to use that, to make us sloppy, to make us more marginalized than we otherwise would be. Every single consequence of their actions that hurts us is a victory in their eyes, so we must attempt to deny them.

I've only just managed to get a job that I can actually support myself with, and find a family I have become a part of, and then deal with a lot of the psychological baggage. And when I finally get around to doing that for myself, in the service of my own enjoyment according to the principles I hold dear, it feels like there's suddenly way more people ready to take away everything that made that possible.

But I guess that's the trouble with happiness, there's always someone out there running a gigantic campaign that will most likely kill millions of people if it succeeds. And make no mistake, they will be doing that Intentionally.

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